1
" That said, if a person leads with charm and charisma and plenty of confidence, sit up straight and pay cautious attention. Make sure that there is empathy, that entitlement is not at play, that the person is genuine, that there is respect and, frankly, that he or she has the goods to back it up. Don’t let the charisma and charm blind you and stop you from looking deeper for the rest of it. "
― Ramani Durvasula , "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility
2
" As a university professor myself, I have been in the education world for over twenty years, and it is getting harder to have discussions about ethics, decency, and civility. Multiple forces have conspired to make this more challenging, including a greater focus on objective learning outcomes than on the less quantifiable focus on the whole student, a heavier teaching load and fuller classrooms, students who are looking for a credential rather than an educational experience, and the high cost of the higher education that students believe (realistically so) they need to be able to translate into marketable skills and not just philosophical conversations about ethics, critical thought, and compassion. "
― Ramani Durvasula , "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility
4
" The analogy I have used with numerous clients when we discuss family-of-origin issues is that the experiences we have or endure as children are like etchings or echoes. These experiences don’t define people, but they also cannot be denied—the echo, the faint mark, is always there. At the most extreme, it is like experiencing an injury in childhood; it may always give you some aches and pains as an adult, but it doesn’t have to restrict you. The awareness of these dynamics, how they impact a person, and how they continue to play out can be used to enable behavioral change and different kinds of choices. "
― Ramani Durvasula , "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility
5
" Narcissists may sometimes feel guilt when they behave badly, but, by and large, they feel sheepish and ashamed at getting caught, and they feel the inconvenience of getting caught. They are more likely to feel shame, which then propels them into more bad behavior. Sociopaths and psychopaths don’t even experience guilt or remorse, so forgiveness for them is pointless; they don’t care either way. Unfortunately, since narcissists rarely are self-reflective, forgiveness does not often result in behavioral change—they typically just do what they want and clean up the messes later. Your forgiveness just becomes part of their cleaning up their mess. "
― Ramani Durvasula , "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility
6
" The broad strokes are always similar: manage expectations, maintain boundaries, shore up your other supports, recognize that they will not change, take care of yourself, don’t engage, and get mental health assistance. Expect the football to be pulled away. That means you may protect yourself from some of the disappointment when the ball does get pulled away, or, better yet, don’t play ball with them at all. Doing all these things can take a seemingly uncontrollable soul-sapping situation and transform it into something still exhausting but, at least, predictable. These rules also apply when dealing with the world in general. When politicians make foolish, polarizing, nasty, and divisive comments, recognize that they won’t stop. When your Instagram feed leaves you feeling empty, limit your time with it. When you start feeling down because you are tired of witnessing entitled temper tantrums, frightening road rage, or more reports of cruelty in the world perpetrated by tyrants, narcissists, psychopaths, and other abusive, hostile, and antagonistic people, consider therapy to vent some of those feelings, but give up the idea that you can fix the world. The shifts in the world have normalized and legitimized narcissism, entitlement, and incivility and have given narcissists a sense of new power in the world. They feel emboldened to behave this way because the world appears to be cheering them on or, at least, giving them a very large platform. Increasingly, they also own the platforms, so they also control the message and our collective reality. "
― Ramani Durvasula , "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility
19
" Racism, sexism, classism, heterosexism, ableism, ageism, and all other isms are all forms of gaslighting—to doubt and defame the reality of others, to leave them second-guessing themselves, and by so doing holding on to the power. "
― Ramani Durvasula , "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility
